You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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