so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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