Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
