Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
the raccoons are back...
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