Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
