my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
NoShamevember. You game?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
