Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
