can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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