I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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