Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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