; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
