Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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