Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
