May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
May the power of my ass compel you!!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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