i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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