If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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