he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
