Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
