i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
