theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
