he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
