Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
