i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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