Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
