Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
