I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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