im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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