non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
