drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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