theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
