The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
