when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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