I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
