no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
