why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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