He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
