nut hugger
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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