im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
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