we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hippo gnu deer
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
