she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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