wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
