you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
