So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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