like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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