I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
