He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
