I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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