So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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