I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
