69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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