The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
